


The Role of a Minister (ch 2)

by orphan_account



Category: Yes Minister
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-12-04 05:23:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11548356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: ch1 http://archiveofourown.org/works/11547021ch3 http://archiveofourown.org/works/11547000ch4 http://archiveofourown.org/works/11546964





	The Role of a Minister (ch 2)

"How dare he act of his own accord!"

 

He is shaking. Unforgivable. Preposterous. Sinful. A minister, taking his own actions? Without consulting him? Sir Humphrey could not remember the last time has felt so angry. So furious.

 

Standing warily in the other side of the room is Bernard Woolley, his hands clasped respectfully behind his back. "Ah, Sir Humphrey," he points out, cautiously, "in all fairness, Mr. Hacker is the minister. He doesn't, um, if you'll forgive me for saying this, really need to talk to you about everything he does."

 

"But he talks to you, does he not?" Humphrey exclaims, crossing the room in three, large strides that forces the younger man into a corner. "So why haven't you informed me, Bernard, of what is going on?"

 

"Um..." A visible tremor runs through Bernard's shoulders and the private secretary wipes rather indiscreetly at his brow. "I wasn't... I wasn't aware you needed to know, Sir Humphrey! The minister said what he discusses with me is 'strictly confidential', and since you didn't ask I thought... I thought...!"

 

"You thought wrong, Bernard. That's what!" Disgusted, Humphrey pulls back and clenches his hands into fists. "Really, how can we continue if we allow ministers to do what they please? It will... It will be the end of civilisation as we know it! We can't let that happen, Bernard!" Angrily, he twists at a bottle cap, pouring himself a generous helping of sherry, and downs it.

 

"Y-yes, Sir Humphrey, but ah..." The younger man hesitates, eyes wandering longingly towards the glass in Humphrey's hand. "W-Why?"

 

At this, the older man pauses, and turns slowly, gaze sharpening. "What?"

 

"Why?" repeats Bernard. "Why can't we let the minister do as he pleases? He is, after all, the minister, and his decisions are rather..." He falters, swallowing somewhat nervously as Sir Humphrey closes in. "... Um... That is to say... er..."

 

"Bernard, Bernard, Bernard." Humphrey shakes his head sadly. "We've been over this. Ministers are not to be trusted. If all ministers could act on their own, why would they need us? Why would they need advisors and secretaries if they could simply do what they liked? Why would we even need departments?" He sips at his glass. "We advise the minister, and we make sure he has heard our opinion, because that is our job. It is our worth. Our duty. And if we relax for even a moment, then our master may forget that we exist."

 

"... I don't think that's very likely, Sir Humphrey," remarks Bernard, after a moment of puzzled consideration. "I mean, there are roughly 23,000 people in the DAA. To miss such a huge body of people would be nigh on impossible, especially since the minister comes to this building five days a week. Not to mention the fact that -"

 

"... Yes," Humphrey sighs. "Thank you, Bernard, but that wasn't quite what I meant." He takes another drink. He needs it. "My point is, ministers are merely facades. They are the spokespeople for the departments. A mask, if you will. They have no true power. They're not supposed to!" He lowers himself carefully into a seat. "The minister is not, I repeat, not, the leader of this department. It is people like you and I, Bernard, who truly run the place. And we," he nods knowingly, "must never let our minister forget that."

 

"Er, yes, Sir Humphrey." Bernard's brows furrow as he thinks the other man's words through. "I think I can see where you're coming from."

 

"Oh? And where is that?" Smirking slightly, Humphrey crosses his legs and leans back elegantly against the chair. "Then please, Bernard. Enlighten me. Why, should the minister be banned from doing what he pleases?"

 

"Because," says the young man, slowly, "if... Er, if, the minister was allowed to do what he liked, then... that would be the equivalent of granting him power."

 

Humphrey nods.

 

"... And if he has power, then he will start to make his own decisions and enforce his own policies... Without consulting us."

 

Another nod. "Mmh..."

 

"... And if he doesn't consult us anymore..." Bernard hesitates, and his brows crease. "... Oh, God."

 

"What is it, Bernard?" Humphrey quirks a brow.

 

Bernard, expression troubled, looks up. "A terrible thought has just occurred to me, Sir Humphrey!" He blurts out, brown eyes wide with worry. "If the minister no longer consults us for our opinion, we would...!" He looks too horrified to go on.

 

"Indeed. You're catching on, Bernard." Humphrey completes the thought for him, gravely. "If ministers no longer needs us, we would lose our position of power. Perhaps even our jobs."

 

The private secretary nods, worrying his lip. "God."

 

"And so you see why the minister must be stopped, don't you?" Casually, Humphrey pulls himself up and moves towards his drinks cabinet. "His actions threaten the very fabrics of our being! Your reputation as a 'high flyer', too, will plummet, and soon... Oh, who knows where you'll end up?" He shakes his head in disapproval. "It would be such a pity, wouldn't you say? After all your hard work, climbing your way to the top. To have all those years of effort, gone to waste because of a simple, idealistic fool..." He pulls out the bottle, and peers over his shoulder. "A drink, Bernard?"

 

"Er, y-yes please, Sir Humphrey." Bernard tugs uncomfortably at his collar. "I think I might need it."

 

The permanent secretary complies, but as he heads back towards the younger man's seat, he withholds the drink and quirks a brow. "Bernard," he states blandly. "You still look troubled."

 

"Well, er, yes, Sir Humphrey." Bernard admits, his eyes flickering slightly between the drink and his boss. "I just... I don't know. I understand your point, and everything, Sir Humphrey, and I certainly don't want to lose my job. But all of it just seems so... well, without wishing to cause any offence, it just seems so... selfish."

 

His words are earnest, yet nevertheless earns nothing but a short chuckle from the older man.

 

"Oh, Bernard," the permanent secretary's eyes are almost pitying. "And here I thought it was actually something important you were fretting over. Of course we are being selfish. But that's nothing new. Who isn't, in this day and age?" He turns, moving slowly, predator-like, around the back of the young man's seat. "The minister himself, as he has proven so many times, would hardly sacrifice himself for a new policy, despite everything that he says. No, no, Bernard. It is quite impossible. No man is truly selfless. That would take... something special. A saint. A God. And alas we, as the lesser mortals of Earth, can only contend ourselves to our selfish desires and needs." He laughs. "I assure you, it is nothing unusual. After all, everybody else does it."

 

Bernard hesitates, mouth twisting quizzically, but eventually, he nods. "I... I suppose I understand, Sir Humphrey."

 

"Very good. So there are no further questions, no more matters of the conscience that we shall have to attend to?"

 

"Er, no, Sir Humphrey. Not anymore."

 

"And now I can rest assured that you know what you should do from this point onwards?"

 

"Er, yes, Sir Humphrey." The private secretary frowns in concentration. "Erm... You want me to keep an eye on the minister's activities, and inform you of everything that he does, so that you can better assess the situation and, er, advise him as to what is correct, in case the minister starts to get any ideas, and acts on his own, without consulting us, again... Correct?"

 

For a moment, Sir Humphrey's face is expressionless. And then he smiles, a slow, pleased smile, and extends a glass towards the younger man.

 

"Excellent, Bernard. You've earned yourself a drink." He raises his own glass. "A toast then, to a mutual understanding."

 

"Yes, Sir Humphrey," chimes Bernard, obediently.

 

"And always remember, Bernard," warns the permanent secretary, after they have both drained their glass. "Remember whose side you are on."

 

A pause. Bernard's eyes are quiet and thoughtful. Then he lifts his head, and smiling cautiously, declares:

 

"Yes, Sir Humphrey."


End file.
